On throwing books at the wall and standing on people's feet

[morgan_dhu]

Does it really need to be said that one valid response to reading something that you find profoundly angering in exactly the same way as the last fifty, or a hundred, or a thousand times you read it somewhere else, is throwing the book against the wall and writing about why that thing you read, in the book you threw against the wall, and in all the other books that you didn't throw against the wall because you hadn't reached your limit yet, made you so profoundly angry?

And even if someone comes to you and says, "that book you threw against the wall, it's written by someone who wanted to explore those issues that make you angry and try to expose them as what they are," it's perfectly reasonable to say "Just seeing it makes me angry and I don't want to see it, even in the context of trying to expose it for what it is, BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT IS."

And I say this even though this particular book is one that I enjoyed, and that made me think about some of these things, because I am one of the people who doesn't know enough about those issues and hasn't been hurt by them and I wanted to see how they were dealt with and I had the privilege of knowing that anything that writer wrote about that issue could not hurt me. Plus, it had a lot of other stuff in it that was really interesting to me. So thanks to my privilege on this issue, I could read this book and not want to throw it against the wall.

But, you know, there was once this TV show that I loved. It said some wonderful things about female power, and it was lots of fun to watch. And then this TV show did something that made me profoundly angry in exactly the same way as the last fifty, or a hundred, or a thousand times I read/saw it in other places, and I didn't want to watch that show anymore. Because a lot of people seem to think that rape is such a wonderful dramatic vehicle, and getting raped by a god is even more dramatic, and they can give me all sorts of reasons why this rape was exactly the right thing to have in this TV show. But just because everyone and his metaphorical dog has used rape as a dramatic device, and sometimes they do it to show how nasty rape is and how surviving it can make a woman so strong, that doesn't mean that as a woman who has been raped, I'm not entitled to be profoundly angry and just say no to rape as a character development McGuffin.

And then there was this other TV show that I loved. It said some wonderful things about female power, and it was lots of fun to watch. And then this TV show also did something that made me profoundly angry in exactly the same way as the last fifty, or a hundred, or a thousand times I read/saw it in other places, and I didn't want to watch that show anymore either. Because there's only so many times a queer girl can read/watch things that written by people who think that it's the height of great drama to kill off the lesbians or turn them into insane and evil murderers, until she just doesn't want to see that anymore. Even if some people assure her that it's just because that writer never lets anyone be happy in a relationship, it's not like he's picking on the lesbians. Because lots of stories let straight people have happy endings, but they always kill the lesbians, or drive them mad.

So, yeah, I know something about lacking some kinds of privilege and getting so angry when privileged people use me and people like me in hurtful ways in books and movies and TV shows and cultural stuff in general. And I know that it's the right of anyone in that situation to throw the book against the wall, and write about why it hurt, and be as loud and angry as they want to be, because it is valid to get hurt and angry when someone is standing on your foot and not only won't get off, but tells you that they're standing on your foot so that people will see how bad it is to stand on someone's foot.

And it's the right of anyone in that situation to get even more profoundly angry when people tell you that you can't see that there's a good reason for that person to stand on your foot so people can see what it's like and learn from it because you're too emotional and not a good reader and haven't the critical tools to properly analyse what's happening in this brilliant piece of performance art in which someone is STANDING ON YOUR FOOT AND WON'T GET OFF. Or that you're being manipulative and abusive when you use strong and angry language to tell people that you're tired of people STANDING ON YOUR FOOT AND NOT GETTING OFF and you aren't going to smile, and take it, or maybe ask them politely if they wouldn't mind moving a little further away any more.

And I say this knowing that I may well be standing on someone's foot all unknowing myself, and can only ask that please, if I am, and am so stupid that I don't see it, then I would be grateful if you would tell me so I can try to do better at not standing on people's feet, because I know I don't like having my foot stood on, and I so don't want to stand on anyone else's foot either.


(If you need it, you can find context for this post here.)

Comments

[aquaeri.livejournal.com]

I think we exactly agree - I admit I will say stupid things and reveal clueless white privilege and I just try to learn from it. But this particular issue, yes, it looks so very, very NorAm to me. I feel a lot of the issues PoC are raising about the White culture of SFF are the same or very similar as the issues I have with SFF being so North American.

I'll note - I don't think it's as damaging or excluding to be a white person who sees most SFF to be about white people with a slightly different culture, as to be a PoC.

But when the PoC talk about how the (white) SFF community is Shocked! to discover their wonderful homey little community excludes/doesn't consider PoC, I nod and think "or people who live outside the US or don't speak English". And when PoC talk about the frustration at watching the one hundredth or one thousandth Special White Snowflake do exactly the same hurtful things all the previous Special White Snowflakes have done, I am reminded of what it's like, having to explain on the one newsgroup, for the 50th time, that the seasons are NOT the same down here, honest.

Again, much less hurt, but I have a pretty good idea of the general gist of what it must be like, I just imagine the extra hurt :-).

[morgan-dhu.livejournal.com]

But this particular issue, yes, it looks so very, very NorAm to me. I feel a lot of the issues PoC are raising about the White culture of SFF are the same or very similar as the issues I have with SFF being so North American.

In many ways, it's not just NorAm, it's US. As a Canadian, there's a lot in this that is sort of but not quite the same as my experience. Being situated so close to the US (and being saturated with their media) makes finding the differences between "them" and "us" both trickier and, for us at least, more important.

I get, for instance, very tired of explaining to Americans that neither their First nor Fifth Amendments mean anything to me, nor do they have any right to bear arms in my country, thank you very much. I do note, however, that some of them are aware, with varying responses, that in Canada, a marriage takes place between two people, not between a man and a woman.

Speaking of the seasons, most of the news coverage I've heard lately has been about conditions in Sydney and Melbourne - have you had severe heat problems in Brisbane as well?

My part of Canada has been having one of the coldest winters in a very long time. Whereas the part of Canada known for being very very cold in the winter has been having record periods of temperature that's above freezing. But of course, all of this erratic weather has nothing to do with global climate change.

[danamaree.livejournal.com]

As a Canadian, there's a lot in this that is sort of but not quite the same as my experience. Being situated so close to the US (and being saturated with their media) makes finding the differences between "them" and "us" both trickier and, for us at least, more important.

Your location and the cultural innundation must make it very difficult to find a separate identity as a nation.

I mean, yes, in Australia we do get saturated by American media, but also some British television, but we do have geographical difference, and we do have an accent and landscape which is fairly distinct from the United States.

In fact, I think you might hear some similar complaints from New Zealanders about being subsumed by Australia that Canadians get with the United States, but on a smaller scale.

Brisbane has been fine, we don't get the dry heat waves as much as the Southern States do at this time of year, or the bush fires *touch wood* but at the moment the North is going through flooding.

If it's not one natural disaster, it's always another.